Garden

A humble plot in the corner
raggedy beds line gopher-ridden grass
A small cat hunts golf finch
and leaves them for my pleasure by the hose

I plant seeds and wait hours...days
Trying to conjure the child-like intensity of watching
a bean plant germinate in a plastic bag...so much more
is riding on my garden plants

I doubt the seeds ability to push the soil-
it doesn't have the right nutrients, not enough sun, water.
Anticipation degenerates to doubt...
Then breakthrough.

I will see sunflowers this year.

Hike

No, I came up here for answers.
Solace maybe. A feeling that it will
all be ok someday. I long for comfort
now but can ever get it fully-
at least not for very long.

As I walk upwards I notice rustling
beside me which turn out to be
birds oddly romping. I think to myself,
they must be confused- why would they
romp when they have wings?

My body is confused too- it's being pulled
upwards by my heart which knows
there is something better above the tangled weeds.
As I reach the top birds are flying as they should
And I find some sort of rest.

God Speaks

To me, the way God speaks is quiet and slow
requiring patience, or in my case frustration.
Empty thoughts are dull and rough.
I try to make sense of them.
I know it is finally Him when my mind rests
And the words bring peace and understanding.
I await the day when the thoughts sound nothing like
my own voice.

Feeling like snow.

It doesn't snow in Santa Barbara and probably never will. But today I have snow on the brain. In honor of the first snow in Minnesota I share with you the people who I hang out with in the snow. My snow buddies.

Only 38 more sleeps...

Hope.

I just got finished making two pretty great batches of granola. I don't want to toot my own horn, but yes I do. Cranberry orange and cinnamon, walnut apricot. Oh yes.
Tonight my roommates and I found ourselves utterly exhausted. Not the physical, but the mental and emotional kind of exhaustion that compounds from feeling deeply for the brokenness of humanity.  Three of my roommates have an internship in which they invest much time and energy into helping people who live on the streets of Santa Barbara. Another one of my roommates works as a home school teacher and runs a tutoring program for a low income housing development. All very relationally draining lines of work. (I'm telling you, these ladies are amazing.) For me, my tiredness came from returning to Mexico for the umpteenth time. Each time I reenter the States I experience a mini-culture shock, and I'm reminded of how insanely ridiculous it is to have a giant wall between the US and Mexico. Why are there small children begging for dimes on one side, and on the other there are pristine highways and drinkable tap water? How do such strong lines of division develop between humans and how does one side get more power than another. I have had four years of college try to explain these power relations, but I don't think I will ever understand. I think all people feel this separation of humanity to some degree, and often these feelings manifest into frustration, guilt, hatred, prejudice etc. But with Jesus we have this strange little thing called hope.
How does hope make sense in the midst of darkness? It's funny because that's exactly what hope is for. It's for the darkness. Our darkness. The horrible crap we share as humanity exists here and now, and we are given hope so that we can look around and know that it won't last.

So I LIVE here now.

This is a blog about new life as a recent college graduate. Instead of living in the structures and time lines of college, I find myself void of routine and habit which is a little unsettling. But God is cultivating life through the themes of community, friendship, love and family and shared life together which I am finding are pretty great things to strive for. I feel very blessed.
There is a lot of pressure surrounding this first post, mostly created in my own mind. A desire to have the wittiest, coolest, most intelligent and profound blog posts anyone has ever read. EVER. But the catch is that I'm not the wittiest, coolest most intelligent person ever so how can I write this way? The answer I have come to is to write honestly and hope there are glimpses of wit, coolness and intelligence. This will be easier than I think because I believe I have the wittiest, coolest and most intelligent roommates who will inspire the majority of my stories. So thanks, ladies. You rule.